Anyone in their right mind loves boots.
This is like, tropical—like take me to the pacific islands PLEASE
When people ask me ‘Is this a good dictionary to buy?’ I tell them to look up ‘wood pussy’ and if that’s in there, that’s probably a good one because it’s a pretty small variant.
I feel like you think I’m a music guy, but I’m not actually a music guy.
My life goal is to use all the colors of the Moleskine colored notebook collection maybe I’ll be a famous writer someday or maybe I’ll die and they’ll say great, this fruit was a hoarder.
I want to just have a talk with every guy and be like, “Are you planning to hurt me? Because I can make myself believe this is just a sex thing and not like you.
I told him, ‘Listen, when you get out into the real world you’re gonna have to smoke joints with people you don’t understand.’
His hair is gonna be extra stupid tonight. He’s getting it ready for you right now.
Where did you come from? You just came barreling into my social life.
Suicide nets are a ridiculous response to a horrible problem!
Actually, remember that time when I’m not an idiot?