- cm: it's fine.
- cs: no it's not. he is not cute.
- cm: he's smart.
- cs: is he a doctor?
- cm: he's an engineer.
- cs: marry him without a prenup and take half his money.
- me: my face has two modes right now. neutral and smile really big.
- ashley: my bladder has two modes, hold it and gotta pee
- me: so that new vacuum, it filters the air and dirt through the water chamber?
- mom: yes.
- me: okay because that's how a bong works.
- reblogged from weatherproof
- Just now on the phone:
- Ryan: Caroline!? Are you okay?
- Caroline: ::Obscene amounts of laughter::
- Ryan: Hello?
- Caroline: ::laughing::
- Ryan: Are you okay? You sound like you're dying.
- Caroline: ::laughing:: Bye!
- Ryan: Bye?
- Caroline: Yeah, bye.
- Caroline: I never know when I'm done* so I just say bye.
- Ryan: Alright then. Bye?
- Caroline: Bye!
my mom just hit a bicyclist going the wrong way down port street. one hundred points!
sometimes when i ran the shower at international village, it smelled like fire.
i really like the instant gratification of cleaning. i feel much more accomplished after cleaning my room than after writing an essay. my grandma always says, “make your bed, and then you can think.” vacuuming is particularly satisfying…i love watching things go into the tube. and so easy! you just walk around and point it at things.
Tori: You know you’re ridiculous, right?
Tori: It’s a Friday night and we’re all watching you vacuum your entire room.
For centuries, a rite of passage for French gourmets has been the eating of the Ortolan. These tiny birds — captured alive, force-fed, then drowned in Armagnac — were roasted whole and eaten that way, bones and all, while the diner draped his head with a linen napkin to preserve the precious aromas and, some believe, to hide from God.
— The Wine Spectator (whatever that is)
- Dillard's PA announcer: ...then join us for cake in the makeup department--
- Me: Cake?
- Mom: I was just trying to get through before someone accosted us...they didn't tell us there was cake.
when you’re hungry, and you get to eat beignets, that is when you have seen the face of god.
the cops called my mom.
and questioned the neighbors.
and ran my license plate through the system.
because my car was parked in front of a house in a destrehan suburb where there are usually no cars during the day.
i was babysitting.
- Me: You know that combination skin moisturizer I just got? It makes my face feel hot and cold and the same time.
- Ryan La Sala: That's the combination.
betty white you’re great and all but you definitely annexed the persona i had imagined for myself as an old lady.
today i let the a/c repairman in and told him “sorry it’s so hot in here. our a/c is broken.”
- 1: How many Laundry Bucks did she have left?
- 2: I think like $9.
- 1: Okay great. I'm gonna go wash some stuff!
- 1: Also, the boxers fit magnificently well. My testicles are just as likely to pop out the bottom and my penis out of the flap as in my other boxers.
thanks for your email. you Sound Good.cement not in basement. cold to be at six flags. Are you there?