April 2010
67 posts
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because that world’s AWESOME
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i made the playlist to be able to please at least one person in the car and still not offend anyone else who may be listening. sylva trick
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food: exit 5 (a memoir)
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done and done
“if you were awesome, you’d be full of yourself, too.” .. would have been a good comeback, but your over-usage of commas takes away from the intensity. good luck with becoming a linguistics major- i hear you might have to know grammar for that.
you poor thing…do you also believe that a sentence should never end with a preposition? you heard wrong. to correct someone’s...
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Chris: I'm getting a glass of water.
Matt: Oh, I want one, too.
Adam: Yeah, get me one.
Caroline: Me.
Chris: [looks uncomfortable]
[everyone gets up]
Chris: Whoa, whoa, Caroline and Matt. Let your significant others handle this.
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a matt sylva man lesson
Caroline: That girl's buttcheeks are hanging out of her shorts.
Matt: I'm all over it.
Caroline: But it's so trashy!
Matt: Oh, I know. I'm just saying, my guydar detected it instantly. But it's definitely trashy as fuck.
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a matt sylva man lesson
Caroline: UNLOCK THE CAR DOOR.
Matt: I AM! You're doing the woman thing! Every time I hit unlock, you pull on the door handle!
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Caroline: Can we make the overhead lights go away?
Chris Lindstrom: What?
Caroline: They're all glary and they just make me uncomfortable because they cast weird shadows.
Chris: You're autistic. [turns off lights]
Caroline: But can we leave the one over the TV on? I hate when the TV is the only light source because then the light in the room changes with the picture.
Chris: I feel like I'm on My Super Sweet Sixteen.
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the same meat held together: a memoir
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headline: matt sylva likes potato bread also
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bottom chips
Simple Plan was diet Good Charlotte
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a matt sylva man lesson
Caroline: Why do you always take off Amber's collar?
Matt: Because it's probably SO uncomfortable! I know if I could be naked all the time, I would be!
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“Yes, I’m feeling very Americana right now. I got my wrinkled Levi’s...”
– Matt Sylva
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yeah i LOVE scalp massages
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A Bear in Wolf’s Fur: A Memoir
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Caroline: How did you lose your keys?
Brady: I left them at my house.
Caroline: Did you not lock the house?
Brady: I shut the door really hard.
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“I really need you to remember that I’m not gay.”
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“I’m not gay. I just have a wand.”
– Andy Carlson
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Caroline: ...and then I turned around and he was wearing Crocs.
Matt: Oh, no...dealbreaker.
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Caroline: I'm tired of these jeans being rolled up. [unrolls them].
Matt: "Ankles, I sheath thee!"
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“I’m going to get really fat this summer, which sucks, but then I’m...”
– Matt Sylva
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“Dammit, Caroline!”
– matt sylva every day of life
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“Yeah, you can be Kitten Fingers.”
– Matt Sylva
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Breaking news: Fun dip gives 3 packets, only 2 sticks; Matt Sylva appalled and horrified
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Caroline: Seee, the thing is, I don't really like South Park much.
Matt: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, lemon law. Yep. Lemon law lemon law.
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HEADLINE: French Yoda must speak differently than American Yoda, right?
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memorize everything you say immediately after you say it: a memoir
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HEADLINE: i like a boyfriend to set off my cutenes
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“Wow! Where is the Kleenex? I haven’t cried that hard for humanity since like the...”
– Jennifer Drouant, high school English Teacher
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BREAKING NEWS: Matt just brazenly showed his tits on chat roulette and got REALLY bashful when they cheered
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“Make sure they know i turn seven TOMORROW. I’m still six today.”
– Adam Carvalho
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i’ve ever seen
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matt: she’s a pomegranate, man. not an apple. have you ever seen like a red delicious? that shit is CUT. It’s like the most jacked fruit
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Caroline: (to portuguese man on chatroulette) bye! say hi to matt's grandpa for us!!!!!!
Man: (waves)
[chat disconnects]
Matt: MY GRANDPA'S DEAD!
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me: whoops, crotch. next!
me: whoops, chin! next!
matt: wait, you can't report a chin!
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“I can’t tell if its sad or funny: a memoir”
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“Boot covers or bust!”
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“It doesn’t look good to leave your ghetto in the trash.”
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“Oh yeah, it looks terrible. But I tell him it looks good just to get back at...”
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HEADLINE: Caroline puts gerbil in Adam’s shirt pocket and he freaks out
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Adam Carvalho: Well, I have a bottle of water and there's a tube of toothpaste back there.
Matt Sylva: That sounds GREAT!
Adam: What's wrong with you? I just offered you the shittiest way to brush your teeth.
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Matt Sylva: Most Likely to Know a Guy
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alone at a table drinking franzia from a rubinoff bottle: a memoir
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BREAKING NEWS: Man takes nap on bench outside of the station room because he got locked out
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“Nope, Lemon Law. Get out of the car.”
– Adam Carvalho
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“I’ve been known to kill a woman every once in a while.”
– Matt Sylva
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“You just don’t how to be cordial in my car. Am I right? You don’t...”
– Matt Sylva
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Me: This is such good guilty pleasure music.
Matt Sylva: Well actually, the Killers aren't that bad at all. They're nothing compared to my Enrique Iglesias guilty pleasure.
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“You told me to find 3 clovers and fry them in peppermint oil, then lay them on...”
– Matt Sylva, in response to Chris Lindstrom 